Decision is yours.

"There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment, you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or you will label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up."

When your life seems to take a 360 degrees turn, leaving you all tangled up with confusion and mixed emotions, you are prone to make wrong decisions. Like a thick mist that blurred your vision, you were walking on a dark cave without a clue of what's lying at the exit. The future is vague and uncertain. There will be people pushing you to make decisions. Decisions that will affect you greatly in life.

Always remember that you can force a horse to the river, but you can't force the horse to drink the water from the river.

Sometimes, you just have to learn to take a step back and have a long thought before making that decision. Don't let other people influence your perception and mindset. You are who you are. And, nobody else in this world can take that away from you.

A choice.

"Sometimes I wonder if anything is absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation, grey. Sometimes, we are forced to bend the truth, transform it, cause we are faced with things that are not of our own making. And, sometimes, things simply catch up to us."

Never deceive yourself with those lies that you create for yourself, just to lick your wounds and comfort your soul. Because, you've got to learn to face the truth. Perhaps, it will help you grow and you know that for what's worth, you'll never repeat the same mistake again. ever.

In one of my previous entries, I asked a question.

What's better? A truth that draws a tear or a lie that draws a smile? I chose the latter with much ignorance. And, regret.

But, now, I choose the former. The truth.

Whether it's hard and cruel, at least it is absolute.

I am but a dreamer.

When your heart takes out a trampoline and enrols in a marathon session of leaping when you see that person.

Like those sensational feeling of butterflies fluttering in your stomach every minute spent with that person.

When you know that even if the rest of the world forsake you, that person will never do so.

When you know that nobody else in this world will love you as much as he does.

When that person brings out the best in you and loves you just the way you are.

When you know that you want this person to be with you for the rest of your lives.

And, you just know.

I wish I can have that feeling again.

The Everyday Scene.

Every morning during my working days, there'll be a long queue greeting me at the LRT station. And then, a lopsided smile will form in my face as I strut confidently towards the crowd and queue up like the rest of the people.

I find it enjoyable to wait for the LRT. Yes, it may sound entirely absurd to you but I reaffirm that I find it attractively enjoyable. :)

I find it utterly amusing listening to the sounds of scurrying feets, watching people trying to read a good novel or the daily newspaper in such a noisy and hectic atmosphere and with luck, l may find people trying to catch a snooze while standing and making sure he/she won't tumble down. I enjoy stealing a few sneaky glances at a respectively good looking guy, but so far none though. :(

I find it hard to believe that people will go all out to squeeze themselves into the train and get squashed like sandwich as a result.

And, I will be smiling widely, staring at these people.

I find it interesting to find out after a week of work that I meet the same old people everyday, queuing up at the same line like me, entering the same train, just like me.

I find it really nice when a girl asked if she can cling onto my arm because the train is freaking jerky and she has nothing to secure her position.

HOWEVER, I find it extremely annoying today when a Chinese guy cut my line and got caught red-handed by the security guard and yes, got reprimanded really badly by him. And, I was just standing next to him. Even with my earphones in my ears and the loud music booming, I can still the harsh tone posed by the man, still denying the fact that he really did cut line. He asked the guy behind me, who was queuing up in front of him just then whether he has really cut line and obviously the guy said yes. *eyes rolling* And, the man was boiling with rage and still trying to convince the guard that he's right. My goodness. He was really making a scene and I for once, feel very irritated.

Spoil my morning of pleasure and luxury of watching the funny antics of the many people in the lrt station. sigh.

P/S: Do I sound sadistic? :P

Everything in between.

"Life isn't about crawling under a rock and watching the world go by, desperately hoping it won't touch us. Life is about taking chances, about reaching for the moon." quoted from Everything and the Moon by Julia Quinn.

I finished the novel last night. Yes, it takes longer than usual due to constant procrastination.

My previous post was so positive that I can hardly believe myself typing this entry and stating the direct opposite. I find tears pricked my eyes when I read the book disbelievingly as I slowly come to senses that it's not what happen in reality. The happiness you feel while reading the story is transient. It is not an everlasting one. When I close the book and lie down for a couple of minutes for some reminiscence, I feel that I'm awakened from a delightful slumber. It's as if I was teleported to Dreamland while reading the book and suddenly, I'm back to face the harsh reality.

Can I take a chance on me?

Can I take a chance on us?

Can I take a chance on happiness?

I tried to answer those questions but I find myself being drifted away to Slumberland and yes, those questions are left unanwered.

I'm such a coward.

and insecured...

Everything and the Moon.

I was charmed by this darling author, Julia Quinn this morning. Couldn't stop smiling while reading it in the train. I feel that I'm in love, though yeah the girl in the novel is, and I'm not.

It's about love at first sight. A typical love story where an earl fell for a peasant but they couldn't be together bla bla bla...but it's the way the author tells the story, the words she used that makes it all feels like it's a dream come true...

And, it seems like eons ago since the last time I indulge in love stories..

I feel so full of that elusive enchantment we've all felt while falling in love and I couldn't wipe the loopy grin off my face as I flipped through one page after another of the novel.

I smiled widely when I came across the last few sentences of the first chapter.

Victoria shouted, "I want the moon!"

Robert : "I'll give you everything and the moon."

And, that's how the story begins. I only managed to read a chapter in the crowded train...but I'm positive the next hundreds of pages will be awesome. :)

I have stopped believing in those silly tales for quite some time yet I find myself wanting to believe in it again...

When there's a will, there's a way...

In the hum-drum of everyday life beset with multifarious vexed problems, mostly man-made, it is not often that one's finer feelings are touched or roused. On rare occasions one has an opportunity to draw an inspiration in the midst of gloom and depression...and that person is me and who inspires me? She shall not be named here.

One of my best friends finally found an awesome guy, a guy that I presume will love her for the rest of her life, will treasure her and will never treat her like her previous partners. Somehow, I just know... :)

I am happy for her.

But, as I said this, I feel a pinch of sadness. I feel that everyone is moving on happily with their own lives, started out a new beginning, facing new challenges in life with determination and with a new sense of vigor, moving way, way ahead of me.

And, I am left behind, still trying hard to cope with my self-inflicted miseries, broken promises, deceptions and lies...

I have enough of that. I'm moving forward.

When there's a will, there's a way. I'm positive of that.

Let bygones be bygones. So they say.